DUMPSTER DIVING : Viny L Baby

"Oh my god! I swear the body was there when we buried it!"
          Covered in creeping vines, the Lesbian baby crawled out of its coffin in the dumpster and made its way out into the hungry night...

DUMPSTER DIVING : Hannah Montana bicycle


          Please, please tell me this is a sign that she is finally past her prime, that her deal with the devil has expired and maybe kids will stop wanting anything and everything with her name on it. Either of her names.
          Something was wrong with the seat of this discarded bicycle. Shredded or worn down to the metal or something. I didn't want to inspect closer, and would rather not hypothesize about why the bike itself looks fairly new but the seat is totally thrashed.
          Maybe next year there'll be a Bieber bike out by the dumpster.

DUMPSTER DIVING : sickroom toilet

I love a man who's willing to go this far for comedy.
          Whoever left this NEXT to the dumpster instead of INSIDE it must have thought, "It's new, still in the plastic, it would be a shame for this lovely wheeled sickroom toilet to go to waste! Someone will want it."
          They probably envisioned some decrepit old person in the throws of some depressing illness spotting the little toilet out by the dumpster and crying, "Oh, how delightful! I was just NEEDING one of those nearby because I keep shitting myself uncontrollably. This is a good day indeed."
          When Anthony and I spotted it, we joked and then I said, "You know, someone should really take it over to the senior center downtown, I bet THEY could easily find someone who needed it."
          Anthony was like, "Well, go ahead then."
          I stared at it. It's obviously new and unwrapped. But it's still a toilet. By the dumpster. A grim little sickroom toilet. Reminder of the inevitable indignities of old age and failing health.
          I walked away, feeling guilty.
          But not before we had Anthony pose for me to take a silly picture, both of us giggling like assholes.